Thursday, April 28, 2011

As I'm sure you've noticed, I've been down in the dumps lately.  So I think it's funny that I went to get my hair cut tonight and my hairdresser had written on her mirror;  "I want my life to be..."

Our conversation during the cut revolved around her open ended statement and her reading of 'Til Debt Do Us Part'.  Thought provoking and right where my state of mind is right now.

I want my decisions to be conscious and fulfil me.  I want balance.  I want freedom.  I want to recognize the good that surrounds me on a daily basis.  I want to be healthy.  I want to surround my self with positivity.

I have a lot of work to do in order to do all of the above consistently...

After the cut, I went to the library.  Found a book on money, how to de-clutter & stow and 3 magazines about running.  All where my head space is at.  Took the 3 pups on a stroll and admired the sunset against the bright blue sky and racing clouds.  Making me realize that Spring is on it's way (about the frick time!) and how lucky we were in today's raging windstorm.  My 3 k wind sprint training took on a whole new meaning this morning!
Day 3

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

So.  I sold Oliver.

And I feel terrible.

I think I made a big mistake.

I know that I stated for the past 6 months that we should sell him.  That it was silly to have 3 bikes.  3 bikes that weren't equal.  Someone was always being left behind.  Neither of us will ever become mountain bikers that would use Oliver the way he was intended or push him to his full capabilities.

He was a misguided purchase from the get go.

However.  Having said all of that.  I feel like I let a friend down.  Oliver was there for me over the past 3 years.  He started with me on my road to Ironman.  I took him to the first month of triathlon training sessions.  He saved my sanity on multiple occasions last summer, when the last thing I wanted to do was hop on that f@cking road bike one more time.  He was busted out and gave me a totally different experience while still letting me get in my saddle time.  I loved his shock system.  How cushy the ride was.  The width of his handlebars.  The addition of the L grips.  He was a sweet slow ride...

I shouldn't have taken him out, hours before he was sold.  It was a good last ride.  A ride that has filled me with doubts that I did the right thing.  So what if he was only used 5 or 6 times a year?  I know I don't want to ride a road bike for all my rides.  It's not like we didn't have the space to store him...

I know it's ridiculous.  I did extremely well on the sale, recouping almost 75% of his original cost.  But it's like the 'Ikea Lamp Commercial'...

He's gone to a 13 year old boy.  I worry that he won't be cared for the way we would have... and yet I hope he gets used frequently and the way he was truly intended.  Where 'off roading' means much more than a ride on the Rail Trail.

So in the end...

='s  and a few tears.


And yes.  I do realize that this is a bike I'm talking about.  I am trying to put some perspective around this...it may just take me a few days.
I should be happy.

I have 3 animals that love me
I have husband who makes me smile
I have a house in a beautiful location
I have a job with a steady income
I have a car that I like
I have my health
I have my family

So why aren't I happy?

I need a purpose
I need a goal
I need to stop drinking / eating unhealthy
I need a job that fulfils me
I need to stop day dreaming that winning a lottery will make it all better
I need some sun
Dear Internet.
I'm not happy.
Love,
Lesley

Sunday, April 24, 2011

1 month between posts.  That will never do.

  • AtheB done
  • P2A done
  • trip to san diego done
  • lots of rest done
Jacked my back during a fall at km 19 in AtheB.  Haven't been right since.  Will work on a more compressive post...